Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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