I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Randomize
