My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize