My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
