Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
i would punch a child for taco bell
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize
