babies were throwing up all over the place
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Randomize
