where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
