Your face is a jimmy john
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
