Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Randomize
