you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I have tasted many bathrooms
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
