That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
