Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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