Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I need water and some morals
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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