Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Randomize
