This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
