Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
