Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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