Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize