Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
