It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
You are the jesus of drinking
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
