Sry I called you an 8
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
