we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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