Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I can't put those talents on a resume
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Randomize