Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
