don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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