It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
