rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
