How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
You ruined the universe
Randomize
