ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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