he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
