You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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