ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
