Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
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