DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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