I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Randomize
