the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
