My brain says no but my pants say off.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
