Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
