Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
