Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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