Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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