No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
