listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
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