from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
