I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
