Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
