i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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