Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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