Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
