I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
