He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
