fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
