Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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