We're facebook friends in real life
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
