People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
