I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
