are you so shy because you have an std?
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
