It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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