I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
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