i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
