For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
