nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Randomize
