The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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