I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
i think my cat just said my name.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Randomize