here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
