I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
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