dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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