it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
