she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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