im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
