I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
3pm strippers are depressing
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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