highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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