I am puke
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
