We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
